Do all things without grumbling or disputing; so you will prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you appear as lights in the world... -Philippians 2:15

Grumbling, disputing, complaining, arguing, questioning, murmuring, protesting, hesitating, reasoning, and muttering* can disprove everything we claim as Christians and reveals a mistaken understanding of priorities.

Every evening, there comes a time when I must deliver the bad news to my son: it's time to stop playing and brush your teeth for bed. You would think Al Qaeda just burst into his room with shackles and a tooth brush.

Why does he dispute every time? Does he not remember the last thousand nights in which we did this? Does he not learn that complaining does nothing but make the experience worse for everyone? No, none of this is relevant to him in that moment. What he sees is a choice between playing and dental maintenance, and playing is his higher priority.

What he doesn't see, is that the choice is actually between playing and trusting his father who loves him and knows what's best for him. And this is what I miss all the time too.

When lower priorities intrude upon higher priorities, I can't grumble, because God is sovereign over interruptions and trusting him is my number one priority. So no more muttering when church stuff interferes with kid stuff which interferes with wife stuff which interferes with God stuff because it's all God stuff. No complaining when my kid's strike up a symphony of electronic toys and chattering anytime my wife and I try to have a conversation. No heavy sighing when a church call interrupts book time with one of the kids.

A child of God grows out of argumentation, and thus stands out in a crowd of arguing humanity. Let's help each other out by not murmuring about a single thing today. Let's get our priorities straight by trusting God in his sovereign interruptions.**

*These are all the English words I found that have been used to translate this verse. I think the literal is closest to mutter and reason.
**This is not to say that we should just give up trying to talk with our spouse because the kids are loud. If the kids need you, tend to them. If not, talk louder or learn sign language - but don't grumble. And I won't always come to the phone until after I finish book time because of my priorities - but heavy sighing is not helpful either way.

Thus I considered all my activities which my hands had done and the labor which I had exerted, and behold all was vanity and striving after wind and there was no profit under the sun. - Ecclesiastes 2:11

Solomon looked for fulfilment in laughter, wine, houses, land, slaves, flocks, women, treasure, stature, and more. He didn't find it. And this is terrifying.

It means that after you get through this hard time and find some levity again, you won't feel better. Once you finally get the house/renovation/decorations you've been longing for, you won't feel better. Once you get the job/raise/bonus, you won't feel better. Because ultimately, there is no profit under the sun.

Laughter fades to silence. Wine bottles empty. Houses, lands, possessions, and savings go to someone else once you die. These things are as permanent as the wind...

So, Merry Christmas! What does this cheerful blog post have to do with priorities? Here's the lesson:

Don't let profit dictate priority; let priority define profit.

In other words, money is pointless and not worth your effort. But money earned and used to glorify God, spread the gospel, pursue your spouse, nurture your kids, etc. has real value. It isn't the paper, but its use that gives it worth.

A fine meal at Ruth's Chris is pointless. But a tiny piece of bread and a miniature cup of juice is precious when taken in remembrance of Jesus' sacrifice. A date night dinner or family meal is priceless. It isn't the food, but its use that gives it worth.

Laughing at The Family Guy by yourself is pointless. But laughter from a God-filled heart, shared with people is worthy of your time. (Ever notice how hollow you feel after watching something pointlessly funny by yourself?)

Stuff for stuff's sake. Stature for stature's sake. All vane. But when used to glorify and serve God, provide and pursue your spouse, protect and nurture children - they become worthy treasures.

So, Matt Broadway, don't let profit dictate priorities, let priorities define profit.

Not sure where you stand with your priorities? Perhaps your bookshelf is an indicator.

How many books do you have about your personal walk with God? How many about marriage? How many about parenting? How many about pastoral stuff? I know, a lot of books apply to multiple priorities - but in general, if I were to peruse your library*, what would I think you valued most?

Not a reader? How about your podcast lineup? Not a podcast-listener? What about your Twitter feed? Not a Twitt? Then you're exempt from this test...

For me, my library consists of equal parts personal faith and pastoral stuff with a little marital and parental sprinkled on top. This seems to indicate that my reading priorities are as follows: 1) Faith and pastoral ministry; Distant 2) Marriage and parenting.

My podcast lineup: I cheated and subscribed to a bunch of marriage and family podcasts a couple of weeks ago.** Before that, it was ALL personal faith and pastoral stuff + Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, which applies to all my important priorities.***

My Twitter follows suit...

* Which I might!
**I was convicted by my own blog.
*** Lest you think I'm not well rounded, I also have a smattering of historical, political, and comedic podcasts. So there.

Which looks more prestigious, secret prayer time (no one sees it!); living with your wife in an understanding, selfless way; training your kids in the way they should go; or John Pipering your sermons while Mark Driscolling your church marketing?

What do more people want you to do? Be a good Christian, a good husband, a good father, or a good pastor?

I have about 125 people looking to me to be a good pastor; two people looking to me to be a good dad; one person looking to me to be a good husband; and no people really looking to me to be a good Christian. 125 pats on the back, 2 pats on the back, 1 pat on the back, or no pats on the back.

If we operate according to prestige and the desires of those around us, we'll get it wrong.

Anyone with a Twitter account had to sit down and think of a short bio to explain their identity. What did you come up with? Here are some of the bios from the men I follow. Notice how they compare with the four priorities:

Michael Bleeker: Husband to Faith Bleecker. Father to Evan, Jude and Beau. Worship Pastor of The Village Church.

Bob Kauflin: Director of worship development for Sovereign Grace Ministries, sinner saved by Jesus Christ, husband, father, grandfather, pastor, keyboardist, songwriter.

Paul Washer: Husband. Father. Missionary. Preacher.

Ligon Duncan: Husband, Father, Presbyterian Minister, Professor of Theology, President of the Alliance of Confessing Evangelicals, Chariman of CBMW, etc.

Scott Thomas: President of Acts 29. Church Planting Pastor at Mars Hill Church in Seattle. Husband. Father. Friend. Coach. Teacher. Disciple. Redeemed Sinner.

Ed Stetzer: Christian. Husband. Father. President of LifeWay Research. Missiologist. Pastor.

Jimmy Needham: Ambassador for Christ | Husband | Singer-Songwriter | Teacher

Trip Lee: Believer saved by grace, husband, learner, rapper, preacher, writer

Bruce Ashford: Follower of Christ, husband of Lauren, father of Riley Noelle, elder of The Summit Church, Dean of the College of Southeastern

JR Vassar: Christ follower, Husband, Father, Pastor of Apostles Church NYC

David Platt: Husband to Heather, Dad to Caleb and Joshua, and Pastor of The Church at Brook Hills.

Often, higher priorities seem less urgent and lower priorities seem more urgent. This makes things difficult.

Which seems more urgent to you:
a) your spiritual responsibilities
b) your marital responsibilities
c) your parental responsibilities
d) your pastoral (or other vocation) responsibilities

Which is loudest in your ears:
a) God's still small voice
b) your wife's voice working beside you
c) your kids' voices reverberating off every wall of your house at you
d) or your congregation's voice pumped though phone calls, emails, meetings, and anxiety dreams

If we operate according to urgency, we'll get it wrong...

Last year, a group from church went to the Children Desiring God Conference in Minnesota. Several men I respect would be teaching and I was determined to meet each one. I thought of the one question I would like to ask each in case I got the chance: What advice can you offer a new pastor with a new family?

My primary targets: Paul Tripp, Bruce Ware, and John Piper. I got two out of three and bonus chats with Kempton Turner and David Michael.

Kempton Turner
Mr. Turner is the pastor of young adult (senior high) discipleship at Bethlehem Baptism Church. I caught him after all the other seminar attendees spoke with him and left the room. He was generous with his time, spoke with me at length, then put his hand on my shoulder and prayed for me and my family. Great guy. Here was his answer*:

It's most important to be a godly man in your life and marriage. This filters down into your parenting and your pastoral ministry. The example you set is far more important than the actions you perform.

David Michael
Mr. Michael is an elder and pastor for parenting and family discipleship at Bethlehem. With a stomach full of prepackaged turkey sandwich, I grabbed him during lunch one day. He was nice, if a little distracted by all the people swarming around chomping on prepackaged turkey sandwiches. He asked a lot of questions about my church and family before answering. Here's what he said:

The challenge will be (nearly) insurmountable so long as you're the solo pastor at the church. Moving toward multiple elders and/or staff will help. 

Bruce Ware
Mr. Ware is a mega-educated theologian, author, and professor at SBTS. We became best friends at the conference, staying at the same hotel, eating breakfast together, and playing marco polo around the pool.

Lies. But we actually did stay at the same hotel and eat breakfast together one morning. I had a great conversation with Mr. and Mrs. Ware over eggs and bacon. They were wonderful and humored my questions for quite a while.

Here's what he said:

- Sacrifice to be home with your family as much as possible (he would do much of his office work at night after his family went to bed, sacrificing sleep).
- Road trip vacations are great to bring the family closer together and provide a lot of natural teaching time with the kids.
- Be in constant prayer.
- Be consistent with mealtime family devotions, even if they are very brief and simple.
 Mrs. Ware said this:
- She experienced severe depression after the birth of their second child and needed Bruce to be home a lot.
- As a wife, she really appreciated his sacrifices on her behalf.

Paul Tripp
I found Paul Tripp standing behind a grey shrub. I first caught a glimpse of him as I wondered lost in the back hallways of the mega church hosting the conference. He seemed to be lost as well, but I didn't get to speak with him. Then I stood awkwardly by a table where he and another guy were talking for several minutes waiting my turn (which never came). So I gave up. But on the way home, I spotted him strolling leisurely in the airport. So I pounced!

He was surprisingly down-to-earth and approachable. We walked and talked until we reached his terminal and here's what he said:

- Don't try to get ahead of God in your ministry.
- Be patient.
- He won't call you to do something that conflicts with another calling he's placed on your life.
- Don't expect to complete everything you think needs to take place in your ministry - just be faithful each day.
- RELAX - most ministers he knows have family trouble because they expect too much to happen in their ministries too quickly.
- He gave an example: several years ago he did youth ministry at a church. He left feeling like he completed almost nothing he wanted to; but then watched as the next guy came in and built beautifully on the foundation he had laid.

*These answers are from memory and notes I took. They are paraphrased and not exact quotes. Hope I remembered right! If you're one of the above guys, please correct me. I'm sure when Paul Tripp wakes up in the morning, he roles out of his mustache and checks my blog before doing anything else.